just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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