Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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