so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
