I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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