i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
