So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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