I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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