2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
