I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
