When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Semen is not good for contacts.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
