This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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