I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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