Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
