Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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