He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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