I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize