I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
