Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize