where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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