this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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