I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
