I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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