I think my vagina is haunted
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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