Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
