Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
