VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
