if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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