No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
