Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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