Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
