just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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