I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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