hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
