I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
