good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
