I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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