chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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