Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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