Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
