are you still at the devil's house?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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