I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
