Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
