I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
