quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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