So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
