I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
MIDGETS
????
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
