question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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