pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
