I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize