I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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