You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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