whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize