Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
