There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
