I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
