I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
