please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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