They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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