my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
