Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
