My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
