Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
What drink are we having for lunch?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
