I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
