Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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