they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I use my feet as sexual weapons
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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