I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
