so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
