No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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